In addition, the stress comes and goes. Some days parents and friends and relatives will recite to us the list of things left to do and my gypsy will get overwhelmed, which stresses me out.
However, I would not say I'm nervous.
Someone told me the other day that when he was this close to his wedding (30 years ago) he was terrified. I shrugged it off at the time, but then started thinking about it later and asked myself: Is something wrong with me for not being terrified of the humongous commitment I'm getting myself into? I analyzed my feelings and decided two things about myself.
#1. I think I'm hiding some of my own anxiety from myself. I believe I'm trying to make it look like I know what I'm doing because so many people have doubts about the choice I am making. I figure if I act confident enough, people will stop trying to convince me that I'm being foolish. Well it seems I've at least partly fooled myself into a false confidence, so yeah.
#2. I truly am confident about what I am doing. My gypsy and I took an entire year away from each other to pray and seek God on what to do and if this was the right choice. We broke up not only in name but also in emotion. We didn't even speak to each other for nine months.
During that time I doubted whether or not my gypsy was the right girl for me. I talked to a number of girls and found out different things about them. Family background, religious affiliations, occupation goals, future family desires. None of them had as many of the attributes I want in girl as the one I have now.
This gypsy has an incredible family who is more committed to God than the majority of people I know. She is a writer and an introvert like me so we enjoy doing so many of the same things together. She is also a super creative dreamer and free spirit, and in that sense she is very much my opposite, though she is also brilliant and logical. She enjoys playing video games and watching the Bourne Trilogy and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, none of which were things I had prayed for but are super cool, especially since on the opposite side, she is very feminine. She wears dresses, her favorite authoress is Jane Austen, and she enjoys cooking, especially Indian food. She doesn't care about a future occupation, though she wouldn't mind learning midwifery skills to help friends and family. She wants a family, something like 4-10 kids, and she wants to travel. But most of all, she wants to love and serve God. I haven't met as many girls as some people have, and I haven't dated any but this one, but there is not a doubt in my mind, in my parents' minds, or in her parents' minds that she is the right one.
Her father told me not long ago. "You may not be sure that she is God's will for your life, but once you say 'I do', then she is for certain." I know that when I say "I do", it is forever.
I think there are people who don't believe me when I tell them I'm a knight. I think there are people who only see a kid, a foolish kid at that. And why I wonder? Probably because people don't realize that I was raised very responsibility and maturity conscious with a supportive family who valued chivalry, honor, and keeping promises very seriously.
So am I nervous? Nah. Am I naive? Probably. Do I care? Not really.
Mainly because I know that all the problems here on earth will melt away sooner than I know. And I serve a God that is bigger than any obstacles that arise in my life or marriage. I'm not perfect. My gypsy isn't perfect. But my God is. And nothing I can do will change that.
Thank you everyone who is praying for us, and thank you a second time to everyone who has faith in us.
- The Knight, accompanied by his gypsy
